Trapped and Unscathed

dream

 In another life I died and went to hell
this is where I happened to end up instead
with an unbelievable new tale to tell
writing with pulsations powering my head.

 Death is the least of my problems you see
evil comes with fancy packaging in the name of lust
until you I was trapped and with nowhere to be
now I am doomed and will again do what I must.

You stroll through life unscathed with destain
you get people to cheat and you ask them to lie
while everyone around you is suffering in pain
you get others to turn away as your targets die

If it wasn’t for people doing what they do
there would be nothing to despise or hate
you still don’t really know yourself do you?
when we were together I’d rather masturbate.

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Once They Are You

they-are-not-you

Once you’re in their trap it’s impossible to escape alive
they make you squirm in the muck and crawl into the trough
things are more internecine than most could possibly derive
nothing works well and that is by their design as they scoff
around every corner a snarff is sniffing with intent to deprive.

They get others unknowingly on their side by spending most widely
they assign slanderous names towards those who exercise any logic
they raise their voice with absolute statements of false profundity
they believe that they’re our naturally ultra-superior being biologic
they thrive on sucking you in with their pseudo-pleasant demeanor mildly.

You begin throwing away everything while looking for the one right accoutrement
you know there is plenty of water nearby and all that you need is a little help
you keep your house from melting to the ground as a matter of little consequent
you witness all of your beloved things slowly melting away without a loud yelp
you see people show up for a while but their desired effect seems to be opposite.

They creep out and crawl into everything just to muck-it-up with believable lies
they then leave everything in a irreparable shambles then blame it all on you
they hat free speech everywhere and always lurk around in a friendly disguise
they argue about and attack everything personally that you may attempt to do
they use emotions and lack the recognition of reason to drive away allies.

They will ignore everything you do or say well and criticize the rest
they will cut you off from everything good before you’re taken away
they won’t ever miss you because everyone thinks you’re depressed
they imagine your house is slowly melting with no place to stay
like a slow fire burn that takes away everything possessed.

Bland Blank Books

My life is a big open book,
There’s nothing on the covers,
There’s no one there to look,
Only once long lost lovers.

Blank is how I feel inside,
Bland is my favorite taste,
Blank is how I once died,
Bland is the stare on my face.

They lower their eyes in silence,
At once they bow their head,
Together they come with violence,
Against the one who is undead.

Wemembering Everything Bad

We used to hate everything bad together for real good fun

wememberings of what happened 7 long hard years ago

which someone of the 5,000 friends is not the real one

when everybody stops we know it’s time to get up & go.

Life is just a job and what happens to us we call reality

sitting at the big kids table you only ask smart questions

the perceptions we have had between they us and we

rarely for the greater good do we engage in suggestions

having an opinion and giving advise is easy when it’s early.

Lovelust is the challenge and nothing much can be undone

do San Francisco with everything and anybody to do it with

socialize at a poetry night and challenge yourself to read one

we keep out of the hives as drones become part of the myth

a year of long weekends alone and stark yet still having fun.

My fb profile is nearly full with 1,052 active of 5,000 fbeople

what a non-boring city as an indolent bunch with our readings

they are an unfriend to make room for others at the steeple

they’ve obviously mistaken me for someone with no feelings.

 

Rage Red Line

There is no place else I’d rather be

than with someone else that’s not me

there is no escape from world’s end

time isn’t something you can mend.

In a state of suspended inner isolation

without the fierce guard and desolation

reckless abandonment in the evening

substitute rational thought for feeling.

Save yourself the effort of finding truth

the throttle opens up the sun-moon roof

with nobody to watch the broken gauge

the needle dances above the red-line of rage.

Swim Swift Swish

I wonder how this will eventually end

another time & someplace welcoming

my faults are yearning to transcend

a life that was once worth a living

longing for a last chance to amend

remember the end is always near

exceptions to each and every rule

a winding path as an invisible ghoul

don’t give in to the hidden dark fear

you only understand what you wish

do to others what they’ve done to you

energy is eminating with a swift swish

answering questions you should eschew

down the vortex we swim like a fish.

Please Factor In & Out The Coincidence

Please kill me now or tell me what you want

please tell me how or fill my grave with taunt.

Factor in the elements of my long lost unbeing

factor in the gone and considered with everything.

In the out door and then to the empty front table

&

out the in door and then end the tall phony fable.

The nightmare of my unconsciousness is unbound

the cross i bare is chained to a soul that’s unfound.

Coincidence is as coincidence usually sometimes does

coincidence is not as random as this one once because.

Which Way Out

Which of you are real
which of you are fake
which of you feed and heal
which of you snake and take?

Way to go again and again
way to find another way out
way to walk into the wrong sin
way to hide away and pout.

Out is out there somewhere
out is the best way to see
out of everything except gravity
out of your mind is where i’d rather be.

Eye Can See You See Me

Eye can never trust again
eye can never blindly follow
eye can never lust for sin
you fill up the empty hollow.

i can see what you can’t
i can see what you won’t
i can see what they want
you want me to do but I don’t.

You tell me what I need to hear
you tell me what I should be
you tell me what is and isn’t clear
i once was deceived but now I see.

i Don”T Want You

i don’t respond to hints

i don’t respond to bait

i don’t respond to kindness

i don’t respond to hate.

 

don’t tell me your name

don’t follow me around

don’t drive me more inane

don’t sing me your sound.

 

want is what they ask for

want is what they adore

want is what they save for

want is waiting behind the black door.

 

you are not like the others that are around

you just figured out we’re not really here

you know what’s up without looking down

you’re transrapid gliding in our aethersphere.

They Never Give Us Control

They never say a single nice thing

they are always pleasant when there’s pay

they never really do much of anything

they know you know what’s the say.

——————-

Never really never happens that way

never procrastinate until maybe tomorrow

never say never is what they never say

never say i love you without the sweet sorrow.

——————-

Give is what you never want to be or do

give is how you become a social misfit

give is what you’ll never need to pursue

give more nothing and that’s what you’ll get.

——————-

Us is what we only pretended we’d live

us is what we’ll never thankfully be

us is what we’ll never forget not to forgive

us will never include little lost me.

——————-

Control is what you know you see

control is what you want to need

control is what you want to give me

control how much you want me to bleed.

i Can Will

i can never love another find
i can never trust once it seems
i will always speak my open mind
i will always remember my dreams.

i can never let someone touch me
i can never let anyone in once again
i will always need to be in a deep sea
i will always be alone in our original sin.

i can never be without someone to fear
i can never feel what i want you too to see
i will always sense your glowing eathersphere
i will always feel it when you’re thinking of me.

 

i Never Wish

i wish that i had cheated,
i wish that i had often lied,
i wish i had the realisation,
your soul had long ago died.

i wish that i had left sooner,
i wish that i had quickly run,
i wish i had the realisation,
being with you was no fun.

i wish i could forget your face,
i wish i could forget your voice,
i wish i had the ability,
to turn back time and make another choice.

i wish i wasn’t shattered
i wish i wasn’t broken
i wish that when my parents met,
never a word was spoken.

i wish there was faith,
i wish there was belief,
i wish i could remember,
the feeling of pleasant relief.

i wish sometimes it all would end,
i wish sometimes i couldn’t stop
i wish sometimes to take my eyes,
off of the distant mountain top.

i wish i couldn’t understand,
i wish i could just give up,
i wish someone would hold my hand,
who wasn’t pushing me down.

Pharmacide: free download available
http://www.smashwords.com/booksview/43344

Perifial Perceptive Existence

Urban cloud chasers chasing and climbing their transparent relative reality
people pay more attention to the lives of they on t.v. than those they hate
men are programmed to use women for sex and like whores they utilise men for money
worshiping a god of impoverished sacrifice and subconsciously striving to emulate
blatantly avoid the truth so they can keep blindly living your facebook fantasy
the pseudo-profundity of a mass produced artificial emotion of substantial equivalence
biomorphic geemosapian clones among us that are programmed with news not really
always hedging their bets with the continuous next bigger better deal first date
like wanting to get rid of your elbow but needing to keep the hand to be wavy
relinquishing the future by caring more about what they wear and how they rate
the old regime is morphing into a new world order of aetherspehreical mind gravy.

Well dressed and battered and have forgotten how to kiss a her
ostracised forcibly from the reality of those around the aether
there’s not many around to party with or who doesn’t want me dead
where did all the people go in which to speak with intelligently
afraid that what might be said may hurt their agenda that’s hidden
everyone is watching and those who are close by keep a safe distance
unfinished business everywhere and there is little positive motivation
when analysed objectively i only exist partially and a bit peripherally
this is my trauma working itself out from within inside your unhead
conceive and produce disingenuous information in one form or another
please be a placebo for my malady and i’ll be your emotional blender.

Some people are nice and others fucking suck so which one do you often resist
either way everyone is standoffish once they get close enough to a real being
two more people are needed just to make one and once again begin to really exist
listen intently until understand something you can be verbally be disagreeing
invite them to parties at the last minute to tell yourself you tried and persist
avoid at all costs being introduced with reluctance and something of condesendance
when what you read before you walks into a room everyone suddenly has another list
responding to everything before thinking brings a high level of mis-comprehending
from the imponderable to the irrational cries of urgency are now met with a fist
is everyone else being mostly wrong all the time even when they are logicalizing
which romantic tragedy are you making yourself a part of now that you must enlist.

Do you:
see morphic fields of emotional echoes in an atmosphere of uncertain transubstantiation
tell others only part of the story and leave the secret part you planned yourself out
often verbally cut with snide remarks and retreat from what was once was common ground
make people ask for the same thing over and over again and again and again all day
like to see pleading for something decided is theirs anyway just to enjoy seeing them beg
point out everything that is wrong and never seem to get around to the right desire

Would you:
take a burn victim to the beach on a hot sunny day one day after the gasoline fire
ask a rape victim out on a date with the blood and cum still dripping down her leg
go fishing with friend and when they are not looking make all the fishes swim away
negatively say no to everything first and then mindlessly ponderously loudly expound
condescend to people even though you haven’t even a clue or any real emotional clout
go spiral gliding with me into the vortex of a creatively repriseful tribulation.

i practice writing backwards with my left hand and regularly with the right
i never speak to strangers until spoken to first and never in the night
i rarely smile and when it happens they are forced and fleeting from sight
i am not living and superficially died although sometimes wonder if i might
i don’t like big crowds unless there is loud music, cleavage and strobes of light
i know you’re temporary and that’s why my senses are saying to offer little resistance
i will never love again because the capacity to do so have long since perished
i never know who to trust so i trust no one and that seems to be generally cherished
i will not pursue you in any form and most likely will run away and try to perish
i want my brain to to turn off or explode but she always seems to try being bearish
i am not comfortable being one-on-one or in small or large groups of the garish.

Negative bias infects all forms of communication and it’s easy to detect
giving preformed opinions about life before knowing the full complete story
nobody now knows each other any more and not many really want the neglect
everything has to be done slightly different than what works orginoptimally
thousands of connections and 1 friend at a time while searching for respect
only attend parties that are full of dark strangers offering passive resistance
lost experiences that never happened and nobody to share with the glory
any time i do anything with anyone it always has to be done by their way
it’s not much fun doing everything with ghosts who never get tired of gory
a leader forced to follow people always hedging their bets on yesterday
where can i find anyone who wants to play and take a cerebral inventory.

Please stop asking me how i’m doing today because the answer is always the same
when they ask you’ll be tempted to tell them the truth that makes them go away
the kindness of strange is just about the only kind of kindness that ever came
they like to see me climb just so they can enjoy helping me fall day after day
you can count on me to let your false expectations down with only you to blame
fun would be nice if you can get it but settle for the absence of pain resistance
returning home from a trip and nobody realises that you’ve returned or were away
drop in long enough to find out what going on and make sure it does just the same
subconsciously incapable of trusting anyone including those who deserve to stay
don’t tell me things will be okay because that was heard flushed down the drain
eating raw garlic one clove at a time and warping reality with the defame game.

Hurry up and wait while being precisely criticised but never thoroughly analysed
you think you are in control but are really not aware of how you actually survive
the odds are against us and the deck is stacked by a pretend friend who’s demised
they who were invited to the table changed the game is now staring at your back
life has been passing by while sitting somewhere quietly and sort writing about it
hugging is like holding a stripped naked tree full of dreams about bark subsistence
not being there when you are needed and instead being a passive aggressive placebo
can you spew any more jingoistic blathering or simply another kind of sweet bullshit
all habits are emotionally driven and programmed by our experiential environments
it would be nice to die in someone’s arms someday and hopefully it’s with a friend
love is something we lose and once trust is lost it is lost forever down the grinder

my dreams become nightmares whey they begin to include anything resembling her
the cobwebs of my mind are laced with poison memories she left behind to send
your experiential trauma doesn’t fit very well with mine and my experiments
the forgiveness you are seeking can only be fulfilled with a justice permit
stand there and wave and give bad advice and never get involved or get past go
making something out of what is not by creating moments of cognitive dissonance
things in equilibrium are the most efficient with unnecessary tweaks are aborted
being single and alone is something that has already been accepted as a fact
not part of any group or family or friends or tribe that’s living or organised
open the doors of perceptive pleasure centres and let the reprogramming revive
strong memories are fake or painful and you wonder why we’re all anti-socialised.

For me writing a poem is like singing a song and once it’s fully written it’s sung
moments of cerebral drifting crash like a wave of hand scribing upon a moleskin sheet
running red ink across the paper mostly with my left hand and sometimes with the wrong
waking up and once again fooling myself into a dream state of wakeful partial sleep
they work for most everyone obviously but were meant for someone like me only strong
it’s easy to find a way to explain away that which you don’t want to believe with insistence
my writing is not meant to be perfectly crafted clusters of a representative memory
when i read words of hope and inspiration i can’t help but grin and nod horizontally
minds extend beyond brains and in a collective in which we are all plugged into partially
chance combined with coincidence fuels the free ride of deference and selective memory
consciousness emanates in an aethersphere of perceptual dimensions and we are # 13.

Pharmacide: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/43344

Fire and Halos

Please don’t ask me to kill you right now,
let’s go on a trip instead.
We all hit the wall and it’s how far you fall,
not what’s on in your head.

The fire within,
is moving without,
Break free of your chains,
fear and self doubt.

I will drink you like water,
till there’s left only sin.
Take off your broken halo,
let us together begin.

Fun Revenge

I live in agony,
my soul is damaged.
There is little left,
that hasn’t been ravaged.

Stripped of my wealth,
dignity as well.
All by a friend,
too painful to tell.

I wish it were over,
but it’s really just begun.
Now for the hard part,
this revenge will be fun.